You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've blown a few things in my day
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
