so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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