I hope mine doesn't look like that
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dear god my vagina.
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