I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
