I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
