Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
