youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
