sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
