Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
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Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
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I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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