i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
