Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
