1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
