Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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