mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
