you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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