If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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