I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
