I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
