The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
two words...techno handjob
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
