What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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