I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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