I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
