Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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