Having a random hookup so left but love u
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Drake has all the answers
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
