so that wasnt chicken after all
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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