Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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