The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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