I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
