what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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