I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
