I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
