Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
