yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
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I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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