Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
