And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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