Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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