At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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