You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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