My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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