my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
