Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
