the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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