and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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