I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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