dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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