shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
