If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
