I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
