found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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