I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
