Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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