i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
