C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
