So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
