Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Four minutes until I can fart!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize