dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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