I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
