Just cropdusted the office
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
