Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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