Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
