and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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