You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
