Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she peed on how many people?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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