just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
