So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
