My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
