? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
