Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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