Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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