Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
