ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
