? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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