When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
