he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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