The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she smelled like a LAN party
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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