why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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