this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
