the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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