we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
