I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Rumble strips road head = magical
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i believe in u and ur pee
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
