By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
