Your tits are I can't wait for
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just want to make out with him forever
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There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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