The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
