new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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