It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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