Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
