How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
